It’s no secret that there is a lot of suffering right now. If we suffer, the Earth suffers. Vice versa. But there’s also a lot of love being given that has created a shift on this planet.
I was a born and raised Long Island girl, loving the beach. When I started my self love journey I didn’t realize how many fears I would start to overcome that directly affected my connection with the Earth. Some fears no one knew about, and some fears only some people close to me can justify lol. One major fear was being terrified of bugs, basically all of them.
When I was 21 I had a convertible, that I parked under a tree in front of my house. Spiders decided to live in it, that I would find at least 5 spiders in my car a night. I found a pregnant one above my sun visor. The ANXIETY I would feel was unreal. I was nervous to drive my car distracted and multiple times had to pull over to take my shoe and kill them.
When I was 26, with a newborn daughter my husband and I found a huge wolf spider in our bathroom sink of our bug ridden apartment. I screamed and ran out for my husband to destroy it. Which to this day I KNOW God/ the universe placed in my life to bring up all my fears, so I was able to release them.
I was so anxious in that apartment because I had no idea what bug I would be faced with next. I mean SERIOUSLY. We had wasps, huge flies, a centipede crawl across our wall in the middle of the night, cluster flies, spiders nesting in our blinds, and other creepy crawly things that made me face my worst fears. Most days alone with an infant.
I hated walking barefoot in grass, afraid I was going to step on some insect that would bite or sting me, because when I was little I stepped on a bee that stung me and left a traumatic experience within me.
My number 1 bug fear was bees/ wasps. Didn’t matter if it was a honey bee or a hornet. I was TERRIFIED. I would run in circles, I would dodge any buzzing sound. It was such a flight or fight reaction that I could not control myself.
In my apartment in Stamford, CT a huge black bug, that I still to this day think was a hornet was in my bedroom. I called Thomas, who I had just started dating at the time to come kill it, but he ended up working late, so I slept in my kitchen that night.
When I was in our bug ridden apartment we had queen wasps in our house everyday for about two weeks. I had to call Thomas’s grandma to come kill it for me. She brought me a fly swatter and some spray. Let me tell you, I needed to be in another room to even handle it that most days I would leave the house until Thomas got home to kill it.
Thomas was my warrior because he can literally take them with his hands and kill them or throw them outside. I was always wide-eyed like WTF.
When we moved to North Carolina I was hit with a wake up call to how many bugs I would be facing everyday. I did not want my daughter to experience the life I had lived being terrified of bugs most of my life. So I started the process of TAKING MY POWER BACK.
I was faced with carpenter bees first. I still am not a fan of those mother f**kers. They are somewhat of a pest because they nest in your wood, but honestly they are harmless.
When I moved here I can tell you my favorite website was the bug encyclopedia of North Carolina. I have learned so much about bugs, its fascinating. Most wasps I can identify at this point and tell you how they live, what they’re for and what they eat. I would actually now consider them one of my animal totems because they’ve taken up so much focus in my life.
In the past two years, I now respect bugs and have created a relationship with them. I’m not at the level of picking them up with my hands, but those fears of flight have mostly left. I LEAN INTO any discomfort, knowing it’s just helping me heal. I’m actually thinking at some point of getting a bee hive because honey bees are just such beautiful creatures.
My daughter is not afraid of bees, she actually says hi to the carpenter bees when they fly in her face. I am not on that level yet, but watching her creates a peace within me to continue to move forward in any residual fears.
Because of this huge shift within me, I now purposefully walk barefoot in my yard, connecting my feet with the dirt and grass. - It’s highly beneficial for our bodies as the electromagnetic forces (energy) flows up our body.
I am gardening with ease and enjoyment, without fearing what bugs I will come across next. That mode of “security” is an illusion. We can notice how we do this in all areas of life.
I’m able to have a higher understanding as to why an animal or insect is crossing my path in that moment. To give me a message, guidance to help me move forward.
I’m able to love flowers and walk through gardens and enjoy their scents. When before, I was running because bees and wasps loved flowers.
I’ve also noticed, when you relax into it, the “scary ones” are no where to be found. My property is a safe haven. I have no ant mounds, I have no big nests, I have no black widows. It’s a very peaceful and safe place for my family.
My respect has been found within me for myself, for all animals, insects, nature, plants and the Earth. As I continue this Internal Journey I know I will create a deeper relationship as I take those steps to be more sustainable and purposeful in all of my actions.
I now connect with the moon, sun and other planets with purpose. God is all that is, it’s everything. It was created for us because it is us. The more we understand that, the more we can live into our best self, for our highest purpose. To love. Everything.
Every animal, flower, plant has a vibration and that vibration is love. When you connect with it, magical things happen. Animals will come up to you with willingness, with out fear. You'll be able to pet a butterfly (ask Jade). The universe will bless you with breath taking experiences.
Self healing creates a beautiful life.